Conflict

Order of Service

• Sunday School Lesson — Song of Solomon 5:2–6:9
• Closing Prayer

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Sermon Title: Conflict in Marriage and Reconciliation

Scripture: Song of Solomon 5:2–6:9

I. The Conflict Arises

A. The bride is asleep but her heart is awake (Song of Solomon 5:2)

1. The husband returns late and makes a kind request of her
2. He compliments her multiple times in his appeal — he is not harsh or demanding

B. The bride refuses (Song of Solomon 5:3)

1. She has already prepared for bed and is unwilling to put herself out
2. Her refusal is the responding offense that produces conflict — conflict requires two parties

C. This pattern reflects how most conflicts begin in marriage

1. Early in relationships, spouses eagerly sacrifice for one another
2. Over time, a spouse's request becomes a burdensome annoyance rather than a joyful opportunity

II. Four Possible Responses to Offense

A. Sulking — silent treatment, cold shoulder, pouting

B. Leaving — apathy or indifference, walking away from the situation

C. Retaliation — immediate anger or storing up the offense to use later

D. Loving response — responding in humility regardless of whether the other party deserves it

E. The husband models the loving response

1. He does not yell, demand, or break down the door
2. He moves on to the next task; he may even leave myrrh on the door as a gesture of love (Song of Solomon 5:4-5)
3. His banner over her is love — love calls us to do things we do not naturally want to do, just as a military standard calls soldiers to sacrifice

III. The Consequences of Unresolved Conflict

A. The bride goes searching for him but does not find him (Song of Solomon 5:6)

B. She encounters the watchmen, who beat and bruise her and take her veil (Song of Solomon 5:7)

1. When things are not well at home, the outside world becomes harder to face
2. Confidence in a spouse's love enables one to endure outside adversity; unresolved conflict leaves one vulnerable

C. She still loves him deeply and is compelled to pursue reconciliation (Song of Solomon 5:8-16)

1. Her description of his beauty is the first such description in the book
2. Reflecting on what originally attracted her to him softens her heart toward resolution
3. She calls him her beloved and her friend — marriage is both romance and friendship (Song of Solomon 5:16)

IV. Moving Toward Reconciliation

A. Both parties must move toward one another for resolution to occur

B. The bride's confident response reveals the security of covenant commitment (Song of Solomon 6:2-3)

1. Even in conflict, she knows where he is — he has not left or quit
2. I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine — covenant identity gives confidence amid conflict

C. She goes to him in the garden, symbolizing her acknowledgment that she did not respond rightly

D. He responds by praising her beauty and character (Song of Solomon 6:4-9)

1. His praise is less physically focused than in chapter 4, indicating he is building her up rather than exploiting the moment
2. He praises her character — comparing her to Jerusalem and armies with banners — not merely her appearance
3. He declares she surpasses all others, reflecting his wholehearted commitment to her alone

V. Broader Applications

A. The husband's loving response reflects Christ's response to his church

1. The church sins against Christ; he responds in love — this is the pattern of Ephesians 5
2. Marriage is fully understood when seen as a picture of Christ and the church

B. Husbands are called to lead by responding in love regardless of their wife's response

1. As head of the household, a husband's loving response is not contingent on his wife's behavior
2. A wife is also called to respond in love, but the husband's responsibility stands independently

C. For those who are single, these principles of conflict and reconciliation apply in friendships, family relationships, and dating

1. Handling conflict well is a witness to the world of how Christ has caused his people to live differently